A Grandmother’s Wisdom
About a month ago, I was at an event with Dr. Abdul El-Sayed, the recently elected Democratic nominee for Senate in Michigan. The room was packed with supporters and the curious. He was getting ready to give his remarks. I approached him, reminded him of our connection, and asked if I could ask him one question—what is a wisdom from an elder that guides you?
He could have said “let me think about it, I’ll get back to you” or suggested that I reach out to his aide to set up an interview. But he didn’t hesitate for a minute. He shared a wisdom with me from his grandmother, Teta Souad; she was illiterate but as he says, “she was the wisest and smartest person I’ve ever met.”
Growing up, Abdul would often visit Egypt for summer vacation to spend time with his extended family. “One time when I was about 14, I remember going back with lots of gifts for my cousins, feeling really cool,” he tells me.
His grandmother pulled him aside and said, “you know that cousin over there, he’s better looking than you; and that one, she’s much smarter than you; and that one is a much better athlete; and this one is more kind-hearted.”
“Teta,” he asked, “but what do I have going for me?” “Habibi, you have the best thing of all, that your cousins don’t. You will soon be able to leave Egypt and go back to America.”
That statement opened a young Abdul’s eyes to the opportunity he had been given. He would come to appreciate the responsibility that comes with this privilege.
I am fascinated with asking people, whomever I meet, at dinner parties, work events, social gatherings, this singular question about a wisdom from an elder that guides them. I reassure them that I’m not looking for the most profound or polished or poetic answer, just something that stays with them, that’s top of mind. For me, it’s a way to get to know someone through a personal story; it’s my ‘storyseeking’ radar, I guess. In a town where people lead with what they do, it allows me to cut through the small talk and facade and get to know who they are.
Almost every time I’ve asked, people have shared something—what a father said to them when they were going on their first overnight school trip; a lesson they learned from observing their parents’ grace when community members had conflicts; a grandmother teaching a lifelong value that sustained them during unfathomable dark times.
I’m always amazed by how quickly people respond. I find this immediacy beautiful and moving. It’s likely because they’ve turned to this wisdom over and over.
What I also find incredible is how much the wisdom that people share has shaped who they have become and how they live their life. Take Dr. El-Sayed for example. As a young teenager his grandmother told him about his unique opportunity to live in America. Nearly 30 years later, he hasn’t forgotten; it stays so top of mind that he’s able to share it with me in a quick moment. Abdul’s vantage point as a son of Egyptian immigrants likely allows him to see both the opportunity this country provided him and that seems out of reach for so many others. I imagine this has been an important driver for his career in public service. He got it from his teta.
That evening, Abdul went on to talk to the crowd about universal healthcare, getting corporate money out of politics, and other talking points. For me, a brief conversation about his grandmother’s wisdom gave me an invaluable personal glimpse into his character and values.
I think capturing these wisdoms is so important—not only because it provides a window into who we are, but because it offers a way to record the hard-earned lessons of a venerated generation who helped shape us.
This is why my next book is on “Wisdom from Our Elders”, the third in the 30 Days series. These past few weeks I’ve been reflecting on the wisdoms I’ve gathered so far from my informal conversations. It’s amazing what a treasure trove they offer; they’ve become part of my toolbox too. I think we can all benefit from a collection of sage guidance, experienced during tender moments in our lives.
I would love to hear from you—what is a wisdom from an elder that guides you. (Please don’t stress about it, I’m not looking for the grandest wisdom of all; just the one that easily comes to mind, that has meaning for you.) It would be an honor to know what guides and comforts you, I hope you’ll hit reply and share with me. Thank you for being part of this story bearing journey.
I can’t think of a more beautiful tribute to our elders than to capture and pass on their wisdoms, so their simple, profound lessons can continue to nourish, comfort, motivate, and inspire generations to come.
With all my love,
Salma
PS: If Abdul El-Sayed wins, he’ll be the first Muslim in the Senate. Here’s a wisdom from an elder that the first Muslim Representative, Keith Ellison, shared with me.
This is newsletter #63. If you know anyone who might enjoy this newsletter, they can subscribe for free here. A few past newsletters:
World Cup, Bad Bunny, Knicks and Collective Effervescence
I Didn’t Make it to Machu Picchu
A million prayers (reflections on Umrah)
It took just six words (this is 59!)
Mom, memory, and finding meaning
Following a story’s thread home
My dad’s wisdom that guides me every day
“You will be someone’s ancestor”
How sharing my story is helping me heal
If the hat fits (This too has passed)
My soundtrack for proton radiation
The unexpected blessings of falling ill