Life Lessons for my Son
Arif and I were really looking forward to this past week—spending some carefree time in a city we love, meandering the walkways of a school that’s been central to our professional and personal journeys (it’s where we met), and helping our son find and settle into his first apartment.
Things didn’t quite turn out as we had imagined.
Glued to StreetEasy alerts, we trudged up and down the Upper West Side in sweltering heat looking for a reasonably clean, reasonably priced, one bedroom with some natural light—but finding only poky little places with barred windows, views of brick walls and trash dumpsters, no sliver of natural light, dilapidated bathrooms, and kitchens so small you have to crab walk in sideways—with rents as high as $3500-$4K/month, and that’s without the added on 15% broker’s fee! Rents are at an all time high in NYC, and inventory at an all time low. The competition is fierce. The concrete jungle has become a scene out of Survivor!
In the midst of this hunt—and while juggling a critical publishing deadline for my next book—I hurt my back, suffering the worst pain I’ve experienced in my life, childbirth included. For several days I couldn’t move without excruciating pain. All I could do was lie flat, as if Crazy Glued to the bed; my brain concocting all sorts of scary life scenarios. The day of Columbia’s parent orientation—which I’d been looking forward to for months—I spent at Montefiore Hospital in the Bronx, getting injections in my back and sheets of prescriptions to manage the pain (thank you Dr. Mehdi and Fawzia).
Lying prone on a day bed gave me time to think about what I wanted to say to my dear Zayd as he embarks on this next chapter in his life—building his second start-up in one of the greatest cities in the world, while exploring the “life of the mind” at an incredible institution that holds so many memories for Arif and myself.
1. Protect your health above all else. Nothing is more important, because without it nothing is possible. Continue your healthy habits (eat well, exercise often) and do not succumb to unhealthy ones. Please. If something doesn’t feel right, in your body or your mind, don’t put it off, prioritize it.
2. Things have a way of working out, keep the faith. Just as we were starting to feel desperate, extending our stay day-by-day, looking at temporary housing options, who would have thought that the most ideal apartment in a great location would pop up on StreetEasy. I still can’t believe we got approved within hours and had keys in hand that evening. Alhumdulillah. When things aren’t working out beta, don’t loose hope, keep going, stay strong, have faith, something great (with a cathedral view!) is waiting for you right around the corner, iA.
3. Life is stressful, pay attention to the joy. As stressful as these past days have been, they’ve also been amongst the most joyful—being together as you make this transition; hearing about the interesting people you’re meeting during orientation; watching ManU and Elvis on a huge screen in our AirBnB; showing you our old haunts around campus—these are the memories that will stay with us. Always remember to savor the moments, amidst the stress; focus on making memories, not just meeting milestones.
4. Kindness, always kindness. Remember the sales guy at the bed store who wasn’t being helpful when we were frantically looking for a same-day delivery bed. When Pa went back to the store later that day, that gentleman was crying. It turned out that right before we had come in, he had found out that his partner had suffered a stroke; the store manager hadn’t let him take time off to go to the hospital. Pa drove him to the hospital in Brooklyn so he could make it before visiting hours closed. The gentleman called me en route, in tears, apologizing for his rude behavior and pledging to pay forward this unexpected kindness. Each person is fighting their own battle beta, one we’ll likely never know about. Always be kind.
5. Balance. You have taken on so much – going to school while building your next company—balance (as you’ll soon learn from the great philosophers in your Columbia Core) needs to be your best friend. Sleep well, hang out with friends, go to the gym, call your grandparents, visit your sister, enjoy the city. “Balance” may not be an entrepreneur’s buzzword, but burnout doesn’t serve anyone; make it cool to live your life while you build it.
6. Nothing can ever be that bad. When it all gets too much, tell us; we are always a phone call, a car ride away. You can tell us anything. Anything. We’re here for every heartache, every heartbreak; the unwanted failures and the missed deadlines. Nothing can ever be that bad, that we can’t figure it out together. I promise you.
This list can go on beta, but one of the most important lessons I want you to remember is one that you yourself shared a few years ago, when I asked you what wisdom from an elder guides you; it’s in the 30 Days book. Here’s what you shared:
Pa always says, “The most important thing you have is your character and integrity; no one can take that away from you. That’s who you are; it’s what makes you, you.” Without that personal core, you don’t really have a home base for yourself. Every decision you make needs to be guided by that overarching thought.
The right thing to do is not necessarily something that comes naturally, it’s something you have to work on. Sometimes it’s far easier to tell a lie than to be honest; you have to engineer being honest because that’s the right thing to do.
Pa said to think of it like creating your “personal brand”; every decision adds or takes away from that brand. You want to make sure that everything you do ensures that you have a personal brand that people respect and value.
I pray each day that you remember Pa’s wisdom, and these lessons brought to sharper perspective the past few days. IA. You’ve got this beta.
I love you sweetheart, and I miss you like crazy.
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